"Women are expected to work like they have no children and parent like they have no job."

[Collimator]

Last edited Wed Jun 3, 2026, 08:36 PM - Edit history (1)

Just heard that in a Youtube video discussing divorces that the husbands swear, "came out of nowhere."

I'm sharing it here because it is a powerhouse of truth packed into one clear sentence.

Edit: Since this topic has garnered some interest, I will go ahead and include the Youtube video from which I quoted. It is nearly an hour long and not every person speaking or presenting information is a clear-minded or as succinct as the quote, but the pain and disappointment and reality is there to see.

[IA8IT]

1. Bookmarked!!!

[chouchou]

2. Most Women sit around watching "A brighter Day" ..polishing their nails...

....eating Bon-Bons and chatting about nothings..
..said nobody never, ever with an IQ higher than a hair brush.

[Celerity]

15. What is "A brighter Day"? TIA

[niyad]

16. A reference to the "soap operas" that women supposedly have nothing

to do but watch all day.

[Celerity]

20. never heard of it

thanks

[niyad]

23. I had never heard of that one, either, so I looked it up. Wayyyyyyyyyy

before your time, and somewhat before mine, since it ran from 1954 to 1962. Some very well-known names associated with it, incluuding Hal Holbrook and Patty Duke, and even, at the end, Agnes Nixon, the queen of daytime soaps.

[chouchou]

37. One of the ridiculous daytime Dramas that could have wasted one's life away.

Like Martha...Oh John...We've only had 2 dates...Let's get married.. (I don't even know if that stuff is still around)

[PatSeg]

47. I've never been a huge fan

of daytime soap operas, but they are/were a damn sight better than all this reality TV trash we see today.

[chouchou]

49. Unfortunately, Your words are True.

[PatSeg]

50. And guess what types of people

love a steady diet of reality TV. They thought The Apprentice was real and that DJT really was a brilliant businessman.

[MustLoveBeagles]

3. Will the Democrats campaign on that issue?

[Lithos]

5. Symptom of a bigger issue

But a great example to use about the unaffordability and rise in class differences.

[OldBaldy1701E]

42. Yes it is.

But, just as some scientists only want to ask those questions that they already know the answer to, these days we seem more interested in addressing symptoms that we already have the ability to alter than address the causes that don't carry the 'glamour' and 'prestige' when they are addressed.

[Raven123]

4. Spot on.

[Timewas]

6. So Far

n the US and probably quite a few other countries women have been discriminated against in almost all levels, they are mostly treated as lower caste to a level that I would call "almost" slavery. It is totally unfair to say the very least. There is no way this should be. And it is not just a Repug problem, this is truly a case of both sides passing the buck and failing at their jobs.

[paleotn]

25. Until the 70's, women could do little financially on their own.

Most banks wouldn't allow women to have bank accounts in their own name without spousal permission or a male consigner until well into the 70's / early 80's. Women could rarely take out credit in their own name until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974. That wasn't all that long ago.

[RockRaven]

31. Yep. My mother won't bank with one of the major American banks because of a grudge related to that.

She had a job (full time, stable position).
She had a bank account in her name.
Everything was fine.

She got married.

The bank said they would close the account if her now-existing husband didn't cosign.
So she left them for a different bank down the street who didn't insist on the same.

She still dislikes that bank as if on principle, the anecdote will re-surface occasionally if that bank is in the news.

[Farmer-Rick]

44. Same thing happened to my spouse in 1986

I was in the Navy and when we moved to Puerto Rico my spouse went to open a bank account. Yup, they wanted my signature. My spouse unloaded on them. I never did sign that permission slip.

[Lifeafter70]

33. I lived those days

Wanted to have my tubes tied after my second child
I was denied due to my husband refusing to sign the paperwork.
When we divorced in 1982, I couldn't rent, get a credit card, bank account or car insurance without a co-signer.
After 12 years of marriage (with a work history) I had zero credit. It was as if I didn't exist and had to start from scratch.

[StoolPigeon]

7. BTW

So do single fathers, except they have no lawyers on their side.

[ihaveaquestion]

9. Oh right... men have nothing but problems getting a lawyer!

Lawyers are famously attracted to money, so maybe you just don't make enough, Pumpkin.

[niyad]

12. Dear Goddess, it is very disappointing to see that sort of thing on a

Democratic board, for all we have covered over the years about divorce and its effects, including the screwed-up, misogynist family court system. For a quick refresher, I just googled "single fathers vs single mothers", and the articles that came up were ALL about the income disparities (single fathers made more, because men make more in general)and the differrent stress levels (women, in general) had more.

[H2O Man]

19. Being a single parent

is tough. That holds for mothers and fathers. I was a single father, and all of my children are now solid adult citizens. But that wasn't always easy. I was fortunate to have a good group of family and friends that proved helpful. I always had someone I trusted to talk to.

Likewise, over the decades, I've helped connect family and friends with lawyers for separations and divorces. I had no trouble connecting fathers and mothers to good legal representation. I'm friends with a number of lawyers, and that is in part a result of bringing people with all the documentation they need to them.

Now, I'm sure that things are different in different states, but NYS changed its laws in the 1970s, something that Governor Rockefeller pushed through when the head of his security whenever he left Albany was getting a divorce and wanted full custody of his three children.

[paleotn]

26. Lawyers won't take your money? Oh really.

[Torchlight]

28. Sounds serious

Good luck

[johnp3907]

35. Men can't afford lawyers?

[xuplate]

8. And play mommy with benefits to an adult spouse.

[slightlv]

17. OMG! After spending all day trying to find the wallet

my husband lost, this one hit me to the core. I'm fighting a really bad fibro flare, but was expected to find it when he can't even remember where he had it last!

But more than that, it points to another inequity... hubby's 72 and doing the fast track on the dementia scale. Not only have I lost a marital partner, I've lost my best friend. And it hurts so bad there are no words. But there is no help, other than my grandson (and believe, I AM grateful for that... he's the one who found the wallet!)... but hubby is to the point where he needs a keeper, and I can't keep up with it. This is the first time I've said those words, and I feel so horrible saying them. And you know what? I blame the ecosystem in which we women live. Yes, we're suppose to parent our children like we have no job. And job like we have no children. But now I no longer have a job (I brought in most of our paycheck, anyway)... and no help to "parent" my "kid"... and believe me, it's like living with a 2-year-old. I'm afraid to let loose the tears I feel most of the time. I'm afraid if I started crying, I'd never stop. And a large part of that is guilt... it's an amorphous guilt, even I admit that. That's why I blame the "mythology" that culture has steeped upon us women.

[niyad]

21. huggggggggs, my friend. Your DU family is here, so lean as hard as

you need. As our SKITTLES says, there is always someone here. And, if at all possible, find a support group with which you feel comfortable. And, PLEASE, take good care of yourself. The stress of caregiving, especially of one's belived spouse, now almost a stranger, is tremendous.

[malaise]

22. I feel it for you

[paleotn]

27. So sorry.

And you're right. We are all programmed with that mythology to varying degrees. An evil our society has yet to fully shake.

[SheltieLover]

30. We are here for you, V

[Sympthsical]

32. If you have a healthcare provider you regularly talk to

Please, please, please confide in them what you've just said here. There are resources and support groups for caregivers who are going through what you described. Caregiver burn out is real. Your mental health is important, too.

I promise nothing you've said is unusual and many other spouses and children in your position feel and go through this - particularly the guilt part.

It is good and necessary to ask for help, even only if it's for the benefit of your mental health. Sometimes particularly if it will help with your mental health. Absolutely no one in the health profession who work with neurological disorders is going to judge you for needing help. It's extremely common.

Please ask about and take advantage of resources if you're able. It's normal to talk about what you're dealing with and normal to shed tears over it. You're having a basic human response.

[slightlv]

38. Thanks...

I did talk some to my PCP, who referred my name to a sociologist on staff. I got an email offering 6 free sessions, but had almost blown it off because it was about me and how I was feeling... not so much him. Your response and the others I received here have changed my mind. They offer this
through telemed so I promise, ya'll have changed my thought process around. I'll email her tomorrow. Hopefully she'll have something more than the Council on Aging. Havent found them to be much help here.

Again, thank you everyone. You helped. I even just came back from giving him a big hug and a (reassuring, I hope) kiss goodnight. Tomorrow is another adventure...

[Sympthsical]

40. So pleased to hear this

had almost blown it off because it was about me and how I was feeling... not so much him.

You're important, too.

[Aussie105]

41. Same here in reverse - playing parent to a 5 year old wife who is 82.

It's hard work.

What hurts just as much as the gradual loss of the person I married, is the non-comprehension from younger relatives, who are noticeable by their long term absence.

[FakeNoose]

45. A humble suggestion ... if he keeps losing his wallet

They make men's wallets with a chain and hook or clip, and they aren't too expensive. The idea is to clip the wallet to a belt loop or even hook it on his belt. He can still keep the wallet in his pocket and get access when needed. But it stays on the belt loop if he forgets to put the wallet back into the pocket.

It's something like this, but there are many different versions. (My dad had one like this):

[CousinIT]

46. Slightly...

.....

I'm just adding a list of resources for caregivers. Choose what's best for you - but you deserve and can ask for help! A big one is the '988' number when you need to talk to someone.

- AARP Caregiving — information, tools, local resources, guides for family caregivers.
- Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA) — education, support programs, state caregiver resource lists.
- Administration for Community Living (ACL) — federal programs, eldercare resources, local aging network (ACL/Area Agencies on Aging).
- Eldercare Locator — national service to find local services (Area Agencies on Aging, respite, counseling).
- National Alliance for Caregiving — research, policy, best practices, employer resources.
- Caregiver Action Network — peer support, practical caregiving guides, condition‑specific resources.
- Alzheimer’s Association — dementia-specific support, 24/7 helpline, local chapters, caregiver education.
- ARCH National Respite Network & Resource Center — respite care info and state respite programs.
- Veterans Affairs Caregiver Support Program (VA) — support, counseling, financial/program benefits for caregivers of veterans.
- Mental health/crisis resources — SAMHSA National Helpline and 988 for crisis support when caregiver mental health is at risk.

How to pick the right one
- For local services/respite: start with Eldercare Locator or your Area Agency on Aging (ACL).
- For disease‑specific support (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, stroke): use the disease organization (e.g., Alzheimer’s Association).
- For peer support and practical tips: AARP, Caregiver Action Network, and FCA.
- For veterans: use VA Caregiver Support Program.

[Skittles]

10. my brother coached the men's company softball team

THEN he coached the ladies team - he said OMG, he could not believe the difference.....the women were CONSTANTLY being interrupted or pulled out the game for family issues.....the men, nope - they just got to play

[Nittersing]

48. Was watching a comedy routine

And the female comic asked how many husbands had called since the show started... hands went up... calls were shared... "what's for dinner?" "do you know where such-n-such is?"

[Tumbulu]

11. And then get no credit for either and blamed for everything

And sadly it is far worse in many other parts of the world that I have lived and worked. To the point that we had the illusion that real progress had been made.

Then we nominated two women to run for president; a creepy mob boss convicted rapist and felon won both times. Making it oh so very clear what the majority of the people of this nation actually think about women. Pretty dismal, I would say.

[niyad]

13. And that is putting it VERY politely.

[slightlv]

18. Unless you believe the "rumors" that Harris actually won. Which I do.

But even that is little comfort. It took a horrible, evil, corrupt person to even have people START thinking a woman could be president. And I, naive that I was, actually thought maybe I'd see a woman president in my lifetime.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

14. I mean...everyone is. It's just that women, for the most part, picked up the slack for some time, and now are not.

[BeneteauBum]

24. As a single father who raised three daughters

There many valid points discussed here. However, I take issue with a few. I felt some of the post were exclusionary of so many fathers who have experienced the same issues concerning a women’s harried life including financial problems. How many times I had to tell my boss (his wife raised their son) to put himself in my place. So many times I felt there was not enough time in the day…..burning the proverbial candle at both ends. There are variations in different narratives and not one fits all.

Peace ☮️

[niyad]

29. Thank you so much for including the video link. I will look at it later,

as I found some of the comments interesting.

[DET]

34. "Women are expected to work like they have no children and parent like they have no job."

I would add ‘…and take care of their parents like they had no kids and no job’.

We were lucky…my mother was in a great nursing home on Medicaid and my mother-in-law could afford a good assisted living facility. But many families can’t do that, and the burden of care often falls primarily on the women in the family.

This will get much worse once the Medicaid cuts in the Big Crappy Bill go into effect, since the majority of nursing home patients are on Medicaid and will be kicked out of their nursing homes and returned to their families - if they are lucky enough to have them. From what I’ve seen, most nursing home patients require 24/7 specialized care, which is impossible to provide in a home environment. I find this all unbearably cruel.

[Jack Valentino]

36. GREAT and VERY TRUE line!

Glad I wasn't born a woman--- because I am not responsible enough to BE a woman!


I think that if there were less women in positions of power,
we would have already destroyed the planet--- but there ought to be MORE!

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

39. "The mental load" women try to explain to men that they are carrying the mental load

And men dont get it.

The mental load equals

Kids lunch, school clothes, homework, all the stuff required for school
Meals, groceries for meals
Everything required to run and maintain a home

[live love laugh]

43. And society suffers from the epidemic of unparented kids.